I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am sexually dead! On a scale of one to ten, my sexual desire and response went from a ten plus to zero. Thank goodness, I am a good actress, and to all appearances, I am still a sexually vibrant woman. In private, however, it’s a whole different reality.
I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am exhausted. Continually exhausted. I have to push myself every minute of every day, and I have to be selective about how I “spend” what little energy I do have. Thank goodness, I am a good actress, and most people would never guess that I am functioning exhausted, every day of my life.
I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am crazy. Loveable but crazy. Psychologically, I have been shattered into a million pieces, and I spend my life trying to hold myself together, mentally and emotionally. Most of the time, it feels as though I’m not “me” anymore. Thank goodness I am a good actress, and most people would probably describe me as an interesting fireball and a little bit crazy, but charmingly so.
I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am living with so many additional resulting health issues, the list is way too long to mention each one. Dealing with all these problems has put tremendous strain on my acting ability, but I do the best I can.
As the years have passed, it has been more and more difficult to deal with all of the unfixable consequences that were caused by the destructive surgery of hysterectomy and castration. I have survived for nearly 40 years, through stubbornness and determination, but at some point, my acting ability will be all used up. How I wish I had known that, unless there is invasive cancer or uncontrollable bleeding, this disabling surgery is totally unnecessary.
Every year in this country, approximately half a million unsuspecting women subject themselves to this surgery, because they are not informed about the numerous, life-changing problems they could face afterward.
I have never been courageous enough to “go public” with warnings. I prefer to do so in private ways, such as this anonymous article. If you have never heard this warning before, please trust me. I am telling you the truth.
Maybe, I should have shouted from the rooftops years ago. To any woman I might have warned, who is suffering now, I do apologize. One of the problems, in trying to “sound the alarm” is the fact that there are women who would tell you that what I have said is ridiculous. Maybe these women are the lucky ones, who have experienced only a few adverse after effects, and have no idea what it’s like for those of us who have had to deal with numerous, life-long problems we never could have imagined.
To those women who may have sailed through hysterectomy and castration with very few problems afterward, I am delighted for your good fortune. However, please be sensitive to the fact that many of us have been left with a half-alive, nightmare existence that never ends. When we try to warn other women, it’s because we care about them. How I wish somebody would have warned me, nearly 40 years ago.
If you are considering hysterectomy and/or castration, you may have to decide whom to trust: the woman who cares enough to warn you or the one who says I am ridiculous.
Author Anonymous
Hi,
Thankyou for sharing your words and your story.
My heart and life is so broken.
And every second of my life and my history is also dead. I am also constantly acting and trying to get through somehow.
I want to share my experience but I think I will trigger people.
I hope not.
what I’ve been through seems impossible but I know the truth.
I’ve had a hysterectomy, I know that to be true, but I still have my uterus.
So that cannot be a hysterectomy.. yet it is. I know what I know.
This is the toxic place I have been in since august 2010 when my life was also murdered and I was surgically desexed in a way that openly I struggle to find words for, and I struggle to breath. But privately and here I can describe.
I know this is an attack on our bodies and soul.
I have a post on hormones matter too.
I will share if at the bottom. I have come to learn so much about what has caused this,
I don’t think this is the removal of the ovaries, or the uterus.
It is not the organs but the nerves that supply them.
This is why some women are fine and some are not. It is about the destruction of the three main nerve pathways, that converge and for centuries were studied and known as the pelvic brain.
For over a decade I have been confronting gynaecologists and telling them that I know what they have done and they look down and say they don’t know those nerves.
Don’t know????
I have learnt that they risk losing their practice if they talk about it. I know of one gynaecologist who has tried to speak out and has his life has been threatened. He has to practice in China. I have him on recording, talking about people making an attempt at his life. For talking about these nerves. This is crazy.
I’ve had a very well known gynaecologist happy to lie and try to examine me which left me disgusted and shamed and try to patronise me the female anatomy in question contained no nerves, when I told him what I knew he said ‘if I was a younger man I’d talk about this but I can’t’.
WTF??
This is a major scandal and a cover up on a vast scale.
The nerves that surround the cervix like a basket and supply the whole genital area consist of the pelvic, the hypo gastric and the vegas.
No other organ in the body has three sets of nerves.
Some women experience full hysterectomy and are fine.. some like me, without even having a hysterectomy and yet a ‘minor surgical procedure’ cauterises and amputated the entire nerve plexus. Leaving me paralysed and dead both mentally and sexually on levels I can only share here.
I never wanted to end up hating my life and living as ‘an alien’, I miss knowing, even remembering what sex is in my body but also my memory of all feeling, love. Fantasy, passion, dancing, my mum, my life. Like I died and im a zombie and I can’t feel or connect. I died but no one knows. I just pretend every day. to be alive as everyone else, as my body slowest ages and I just isolate myself and am polite to people as I pass them. For 13 years now. Dead in the eyes.
I know how it feels to look forward to it all being over.
The book that needs to be read and understood is the pelvic and anatomical brain by Byron Robinson, 2009.
THE PELVIC BRAIN.
I feel like when I found this book I KNEW I was attacked on such a serious consciousness level. I knew it was part of my brain as well as my body that shut down and eradicated my soul and my past.
It made total sense. This is why we feel like this.
In the 50s, the medical industry eradicated this book and similar historical studies from its learning. They also stopped preserving bodies in alcohol (which is clear and detailed so they can see) and begun to use formaldehyde as the principal preservative.
This makes it very hard to view or understand the nerve detail. The reason some women don’t go through what we have is that they taken out the organ without interfering with those nerve centres. (CENTRES not ‘nerve endings’).
The centre of your body.
I want to talk so much about this, To someone who understands. I’ve spent years trying to share my feelings but even in the groups I have found for my ‘minor, but sick and evil violent procedure’ I’m so much worse than others.
I need to be among hysterectomy survivors to even begin to talk.
It’s like a perfect crime. We talk among ourselves but the evidence is concealed protecting this industry and allowing it to continue.
I can’t understand how this has happened to me, and I’m so sorry for each person on this page who is here.
Hormones matter
Unspoken dangers of leep
Horror is not a strong enough word. Murder is not a strong enough word, I was murdered June 20, 2003 only they forgot to bury me. Everything I was was gone and they put an alien in my place. He never explained the dire consequences involved in this procedure. I even went for different opinions even nurses are misinformed they said get your ovaries out of there they just cause cancer. When i was being wheeled into surgery i was already sedated a nurse came up to me and said you forgot to sign the complications form i said what complications? She said oh that you will feel better than you have in your life, sign it or we can’t do the surgery. So i looked at the doctor and said keep the ovaries if they look good, because you know i don’t do well with pills. They were fine, he took them anyway. At first i felt fantastic within 6 weeks all hell broke loose. I did not understand what was happening to me, i was in a rage, mad or crying. They kept putting another estrogen patch on me.. soon they had 5 patches on my arm. I went from an athlete to gaining 77 pounds in a year. My thyroid had cancerous nodule and they could not find my blood pressure, i looked white as a ghost. Was getting comments about my weight even from my own mother and she knew what happened to me. It was not overeating , it was all the steroids and cortisol they put me on. Begging God everyday to please kill me. I did not want to live, this was not me.. not even a fraction of my former self, how pathetic to tell my 7 year old son I wanted to kill myself and him begging me not to. Suicide did not leave my mind. Come to find out that estrogen has to deal with the serration in your brain, no wonder. So here i am with my false life. I still am 25 pounds over my normal weight even at starvation. I still have pain throughout my entire body from the fibromyalgia it left behind. I still struggle with the dark thoughts. I want me back, I miss Mary. I miss everything about her. This is not me, it’s just not. I still am not the athletic person i once was, i struggle with it everyday, the unrelentless feeling of exhaustion no matter what supplements i take or what juices I do. I have been to 75 specialists from all over the United States including Mayo Clinic. I realize now, I know more about hormone than they do. You try not to dwell on it, but it never leaves your mind. I have used every cent of my money, and feel no better. So any woman who considers this, just don’t, just please don’t. Don’t do this to your life. It’s a sad existence living someone else’s life. Had it not been for God, I would have never made it. I was only 40 at the time of my murder, i am now 55 still dealing with the health and weight and mental issues it left behind. Listen to my words, I wish someone would have spoke out against this years ago, I would not be the one writing this now.
Sorry to hear, great you can speak out.
Gynecologists have been hiding the fact from women for decades that to remove their ovaries is to CASTRATE them. All you have to do is look up “castrate” in a dictionary to know the truth. Yet this truth is not seen on any medical sites that describe or promote hysterectomy and removal of the ovaries.
Kathy – I agree with you completely. The proper word is “castration.” Personally, I never use the word “oophorectomy” because it’s way too blissful-sounding and therefore terribly misleading.
It has always been my firm belief that if the word “castration” were commonly used in our warning efforts, women would finally understand what’s actually being done to them.
For gods sake stand up!! What do we have to lose our lives! That was done at surgery! The day we went in was the day they killed all of us! If men went in and got their penis and testicles cut off there would be an out cry! I am so angry by this that I want eternal revenge. Lets all be Joan of Arc and stand up and fight until our last day! Just because we suffer in pain does not mean we get our organs cut out!
Hi CW!
Just found you on here. We should talk. Same story, and getting ready for a serious assault on flawed informed consent law. My life was altered in a hundred ways on the day of my surgery and it’s our imperative to make sure this practice stops. Here’s my site I’m still working on, and here are my citations. It’s not just sexual, though that is serious…It increases so many serious health risks considerably. For the women who say it didn’t happen to them, it’s because they only had their uterus out and they don’t know the difference. But 55% of the 600,000 had their ovaries out without informed consent, and another 15% will lose ovarian function as a consequence of their hysterectomy. For the remaining women who truly only had their uterus out, they can’t have uterine orgasms, and they had an artery cauterized that often leads to back pain, but they didn’t lose a major part of their endocrine system, and they don’t know that the ovaries make hormones well after menopause.
Hugs! I’m so glad I found you and we can share information.
http://www.gynreform.com/
and
http://www.gynreform.com/citations.htm
and here is the presentation: http://www.gynreform.com/media/oophorectomy%20preso%20final.pdf
Missy, I am sorry you were harmed by a gynecologic procedure especially since it was unwarranted. Chances are the hysterectomy is not needed either since it is a grossly overused surgery with only 2% done for a cancer diagnosis. Not only that, hysterectomy causes long-term harm even when the ovaries are retained – anatomical, skeletal, hormonal, and sexual. I have written a few articles about hysterectomy. Here is a list of all my articles – http://www.hormonesmatter.com/author/ws/. Click on each one to read.
As far as addressing your pain – It sounds like your uterus is engorged since the cervix is scarred shut. Some women who have this side effect from endometrial ablation have an in-office procedure periodically to stent the cervix and allow the blood to escape. Has that ever been suggested or tried?
Another option which would be less invasive is to use birth control pills continuously. By continuously, I mean skip the week of placebo (inactive) pills and go straight to the active ones. That will usually keep you from having a period and keep your lining thinned out. However, before starting this regimen, you may need to get rid of any built up lining via the previously mentioned procedure. But that may not be necessary.
Since your doctor says you need a hysterectomy he/she will likely not be very accommodating for any other options. Based on my hysterectomy experience and how the hysterectomy industry “operates” I would be seeking out a doctor who does not even mention hysterectomy. Your family doctor may be willing to prescribe birth control pills if you want to try that.
Another thought – Someone had posted a comment on my endometrial ablation article that she has gotten relief from pelvic pain with supplements of CoQ10, vitamin E, and fish oil.
Please be more specific about this comments. I have been told I need a hysterectomy because my cervix won’t dilate due to scar tissue for another procedure I shouldn’t have had. It’s too late for that one but I don’t want to have another surgery that I regret, but I also can’t deal with the pain of my cervix not dilating each month. So please any help you can give I will take. Thanks Missy
Sadly, I can relate to everything you said. I hate keeping up the facade of normalcy and holding in this awful secret. And the grief and anatomical damage never end.
I am very outspoken here (see my articles) and on a number of forums. And yes, there are women who hang out on hysterectomy forums saying I am using scare tactics and/or I have some sort of mental problem. Those whose surgeries were recent don’t realize that the worst is yet to come since the damage is progressive.
It is hard to get our message across since the medical community negates the after-effects and so many women are in denial or just plain dishonest.
WOW, did this castrated woman ever hit the nail on the head!
Most women aren’t willing to talk openly about the many devastating consequences of hysterectomy and castration. I receive many e-mails, messages, and comments from women privately who tell me they feel they have to put on a “happy” face in public and even at home with their husband, children, etc. in order to survive in the long run.
Many of these women also tell me they simply can’t face the true horror of what has been done to them – what has forever been taken away (i.e. their sexuality), so they don’t face it and don’t talk about it. In other words, the trauma is just too great to talk about, dwell on, etc.
Those who contact me basically feel that what’s done is done and they force themselves to move on in order to “go on” if that makes sense. The bottom line is that they know there is nothing that can be done to change the fact that their female organs are gone. And even in cases of unconsented hysterectomy (as in my own case), there is nothing that can be done either.
Gynecologists “routinely” perform hysterectomies, so this particular form of medical abuse has shockingly enough become the “standard of care”. Until women stop accepting this, it absolutely will not change. Gynecologists, hospitals, drug companies, etc. have too much to lose to stop performing these surgeries. Remember that only about 10% of hysterectomies are considered to be medically necessary.
Women who’ve undergone hysterectomy and castration are mostly too traumatized just trying to get on with their life, get their hormones in check, heal so they can get back to work, etc. to speak out and warn other innocent and unsuspecting women. So, we have a very complex problem here indeed…